The ten most annoying things about live gigs
It’s not like us at Londonvenueguide to be negative about much to do with live music, but in light of Axl Rose’s infuriating antics in the last week, which has seen Guns n’ Roses fans put up with delays of over an hour and half an hour at Reading and Leeds respectively, and bottling the band off at the O2 in Dublin after again being made to wait for more than an hour, we present what can be the ten most annoying things about attending gigs.
1. People watching the entire gig through their camera viewfinder. Why do some people pay £30 to attend a gig when they could watch blurry footage in the comfort of their own home on YouTube? And what do people think they are going to do with the footage? It’s hardly going to rival Scorsese’s Shine a Light, it can only be an example of proving you are having a life through Facebook. Obvuuosly more importance is being placed on the proving than the actual having of a life.
2. Going to a gig and talking through the entire performance, especially if it’s along the lines of “I’ve not heard much of their stuff but they’re meant to be cool and a bit weird aren’t they?”
3. People who sing “their song” into their girlfriend’s ear. Out of tune.
4. Heckles to a female band member of “Get your tits out”. This was experienced a couple of years ago by Kate Nash at a gig at the Barfly, when one punter charmingly requested the singer to “Get your muff out”, prompting beau Ryan Jarman from The Cribs to hurl a pint glass at the offender. Even worse, When Florence Welch from Florence and the Machines attempted to crowd-surf at a gig in Leeds, itself an annoying gig habit, she broke down in tears when a member of the audience groped her.
5. People who shout for an obscure early song/unreleased demo, which they know the band will never play and won’t ever play, but do it just to show how much of a OMGSUPERFAN they are.
6. One of the most annoying breed of gig goer has to be The Over-Protective Boyfriend. You’ve probably seen him, stood behind his girlfriend with his arms around her, often in the middle of a crowd of people who have the temerity to be dancing and bashing into him. When someone crashes into his delicate ladyflower he’ll say something along the lines of “watch it, that’s my girlfriend”. Yes mate, and she’s chosen to go down the front at a gig. She’s not going to snap in half if someone bashes into her and, if she is, you can both eff off up the back.
7. People who aren’t wearing deodorant or haven’t showered that day (particularly since the smoking ban).
8. People being overprotective of space - those who are SO protective of their space they just will not let you get through at all, refusing to budge even if you are returning to the spot you left earlier with an armful of drinks.
9. People at festivals who take their camping chairs down to the main stage and arrange them in a long line with no gaps, giving dirty looks to anyone who tries to get through, and forcing them to walk all the way sideways to the end of the line before heading forward again. When the ground is dry.
10. Which brings us on finally to bands arriving late. What people like Axl Rose probably don’t understand is that modern-day gig-goers have timing down to a fine art. Enjoy a few drinks in a nearby pub, but not too many that means you will be spending the entire gig running to and from the toilet, arrive, grab a decent spot in front of the stage, and, crucial point this, check your watch and decide there is time for one last visit to the toilet en route to the bar. Which all means you are in a good spot, with drink and empty of bladder, the perfect state to enjoy a fine performance. Unless the act is late, very late in the case of Guns n Roses. Which leads to inevitable internal debates, should I get one more drink? Do I have time to dash to the loo? This in particular may explain the bottles of “unknown substances” - according to a joint statement from the venue and promoters (urine, we suspect) which were hurled at Guns n’ Roses early on in their set by angry gig-goers, forcing them to walk off after four songs.